7 Mistakes to Avoid if You are Divorced Parents
Photo Courtesy: gajman
A divorce can leave a lot of pain behind. It is not only difficult for the couple that is getting divorced, but in fact, it is equally painful for the kids. A lot of children take the scars of a divorce into their own adulthood. At the time of divorce, it might be tough for the couple to support the kids emotionally. They might be too weak to give strength to the kids, but that is imperative. The divorced couple can definitely help the kids to cope up with their divorce by managing their own behavior. Here are some common mistakes made by divorced parents.
1. Divorced parents don’t put their kids first
Putting the kids first and doing things for them by keeping the ego aside can be tough for sure. A lot of divorced couples say that they put the kids first, but the fact is that they don’t. Instead, the parents put their own needs first before the children. A lot of them use kids as pawns to get what they want.
2. Divorced parents don’t help the kids through difficult times
Some divorced parents don’t sit their kids down and talk to them about what actually is going on. It is important to do this regardless of the age of kids or the parents’ emotional state. It is important to know how the kids are feeling about the new circumstances and schedules. A lot of parents don’t have honest conversations or dialogues about the divorce with their kids.
3. Parents don’t communicate with one another in the right way
Some divorced parents don’t learn to communicate to each other. It is surely weird to be formal and distant from the person who you spent so many years with. Some parents hold bitterness and grudges and this reflects in their communication. Kids read body language. They might not be able to express what they observe but know what’s going on. So, divorced parents should never react to one another inappropriately or use the wrong sort of language especially around the kids. This type of communication can only make things worse. Visible tension between the parents makes kids feel depressed, frustrated and unwanted.
4. Couples don’t let go the anger and resentments
Divorced parents usually cling on to the anguish and resentments. They fight over little things and try to prove themselves right. This doesn’t only hurt them, but also adds fuel to the fire. By doing this the divorced parents volatile the environment intentionally or unintentionally.
5. Parents don’t allow the kid to meet the other parent
Divorced parents are usually very insecure. They don’t let their child meet the other parent, because they are afraid the kids may choose the other parent or start loving him more. The parents must make peace with what has been done, leave the past behind and forgive each other. They must encourage the kids to spend time with the other parent. This is important for the emotional stability of the kids.
6. Divorced parents don’t seek help
A lot of divorced parents confide in their children completely. This is really not fair. As a parent, it is your responsibility to look after yourself first. Only after that, you will be able to take care of the kids. So, ask for help, visit a counselor if everything is getting too much. This can aid you in healing the wounds, making you a better parent.
7. Parents make their kid a messenger
Too many divorced or separated parents try to communicate through their children. This gives undue emotional stress to the kids and forces them to negotiate a situation that their ‘grown up’ parents could not handle. So, next time you feel like telling something to your ex husband, just send him an Email. It allows you to discuss the practicalities of raising your child without letting the divorce affect his life negatively. Use voice mails carefully.
